Gums' Editorial Section

The Very Best Bike!

by Unknown Author

There's been some yellin'
there's been some cussin'
there's been some fightin'
and been some fussin'.

The war's been long and hard and hot
blood has flowed lots more than not.
What's the beef and why the strife?
Why the gun and why the knife?

Lend an ear and get a clue.
I'll tell it straight and tel l it true.
I'll tell you why we're in this pickle
It's over what's the very best motorsickle.

Some proclaim with all their might
that others are wrong and they are right
They state that if you have the luck
the very best bike will have a knuck.

Others shout "ugh and yuck patooie"
guys with knucks are a little bit screwy.
These people shout throughout the land
"the very best bike must have a Pan."

Others shout "Pan? You must be crazy
and old and fat and slow and lazy.
Now go away home go back to your hovel
the very best bike must have a shovel"

Then there's the ones that everyone dreads
the ones who s ay "you're out of your heads.
Shovels are old they rattle and k nock
the very best bike has an Evo block."

Still others say "blocks are nuttin but crap.
They ain't no better than Italian or Jap.
I'd rather walk or own a foreign
than ride a bike that don't have iron."

Others say "Iron? You're full of poop
listen here I've go t the scoop.
On all the bikes I've rode and sat
and the bestest one has a head that's flat."

After all that fumin and all that fun
you might think may be the fightin's done
but you've never heard such nasty names
as when the talk gets around to frames.

Some folks have rode from near to far
and looked at all t he bikes there are.
Been where it's hot and been where it's frigid
and the best bike they saw had a frame that's rigid.

Others hoot and laugh and snort.
"Rigids" they say "are f or rides real short."
They've said it loud and they've said it oft
"the bestest bikes have a tail that's soft."

Others scream "oh yeah that's funny"
and laugh and laugh til their eyes are runny.
"Softtails rattle and shake and quake
til your legs go numb and your eyeballs ache.
Here's the truth there's nuttin finah
than to ride and ride on a nice smooth Dyna."

That makes beer come out some guys noses.
Who say, "they're good...for makin poses.
The best damn frames there are by far
are the ones we know as FXR."

Others claim "it's plain to see
that a real far rider you 'll never be.
An FXR's no good at all
for a ride from from Maine to Arkansas.
If you wanna go long and not be a lagger
Ye r gonna need a real nice bagger."

Another voice says "You must be jokin'
baggers are good.. .if you like slow pokin'.
I'll ride one myself when I'm old and warty.
Til then I'll stick with my souped up Sporty."

I've thought about these fights a lot
and I know who's right and I know who's not.
Listen close and hear from me.
I really think you might agree
that everyone knows
deep down in their bones
that the very best bike
is the one he or she owns!