Warning some of these joke may pop your PC balloon. So if your easily offended then get the hell out.
(721 JOKES)
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FOLLOW THOSE UNION RULES
by TWO HOGS
Hooker's Union Rules
A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels.
When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"
"No,'"she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."
"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20,'"she answered.
Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union house. We observe all union rules."
The man asked, "And, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."
"That's more like it!" the union man said.
He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive green-eyed blonde.
"I'd like her," he said.
"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she's next.'"
NOW YOU Know what's wrong with the AUTO industry.
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NO HEADACHE TONIGHT
by FOXY
I was out riding with a few of my buddies and had a few drinks!
Feeling a ‘Little Frisky’, I rode home to my girlfriend!
I found her sound asleep with her mouth wide open!
So I grabbbed two aspirin and dropped them into her mouth!
She starts to choke, but recovered!
“What did you put in my mouth?” she asks!
“Two Aspirin!” I replied!
“Damn it!” she says, “I Don’t Have A Headache!”
I smile and replies............
“That’s All I Want To Know!”
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NEW LIST IF THE SHORTEST BOOKS
by CUBE
World's Shortest Books:
_________________________________________
THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
By Barack Obama
____________________________________________
MY BLACK GIRLFRIENDS
By Tiger Woods
____________________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY
By Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan.
Illustrated by Michael Moore
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MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS &
HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA
By Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton
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THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
By Hillary Clinton
_________________
Sequel:
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
By Bill Clinton
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MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE
By Osama Bin Laden
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THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
By Bill Gates
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THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
By Dennis Rodman
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THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE
By Al Gore & John Kerry
_____________________________________
AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
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A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
By Dr. J.. Kevorkian
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TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED, BEFORE .....
By Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnel
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GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
By Mike Tyson
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THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
_______________________________________
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
By O. J. Simpson
_________________________________________
MY BOOK OF MORALS
By Bill Clinton with introduction
By the Rev. Jesse Jackson
*******************************************************
AND, JUST ADDED:
Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy!
By Nancy Pelosi
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WHILE ON VACATION
by RAT
A guy traveling through Mexico on vacation lost his wallet and all of his
identification.
Cutting his trip short, he attempted to make his way home but was stopped by
the U.S. Customs Agent at the border.
"May I see your identification, please?" asked the agent.
"I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet," replied the guy..
"Sure buddy, I hear that every day. No ID, no entry," said the agent.
"But I can prove I'm an American!" he exclaimed.
"I have a picture of Ronald Reagan tattooed on one side of my butt and George
Bush on the other."
"This I gotta see," replied the agent.
With that, the guy dropped his pants and showed the agent his behind.
"By golly, you're right!" exclaimed the agent. "Have a safe trip back to
Chicago ."
"Thanks!" he said. "But how did you know I was from Chicago ?"
The agent replied, "I recognized Obama in the the middle.
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OKIE HONEYMOON
by RANGER
About 5 minutes after an Okie & his new bride checked into the
honeymoon suite of a fishing resort, the new groom passes thru
the lobby with all his fishing gear, headed for the river.
The desk clerk waves him over. "Hey buddy" he says, "shouldn't
you be upstairs making love to your new bride?"
To which the Okie says, "Can't, she's got gonorrhea the doc says
no sex for another month. But it's OK because I love to fish"
The next morning, the Okie is on his way thru the lobby with his
fishing gear. Trying to be helpful, the clerk waves him over and
says. "Since you can't have vaginal sex, maybe you could try anal
sex."
To which the Okie says, "Can't, she's got diarrhea the doc says
no anal sex for another month. But it's OK because I love to
fish"
The following morning, again trying to be helpful, the clerk
waves the Okie over on his way thru the lobby. "Since you can't
have vaginal sex or anal sex, maybe you could coax her into
performing oral sex for you" he says.
To which the Okie says, "Can't, she's got pyorrhea her dentist
says no oral sex for another month. But it's OK because I love to
fish"
The clerk asks the Okie incredulously, Let me get this straight,
your new bride has gonorrhea, diarrhea, and pyorrhea why the hell
would you marry a girl like that?
"Well" says the Okie, "she's got worms too, and I love to fish!"
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