GUMS' JOKES AND FUNNIES

Warning some of these joke may pop your PC balloon. So if your easily offended then get the hell out. (721 JOKES)

HOW TO SAY I LOVE YOU
by ELLIE

"I love you" in 25 languages

1. English -I love you.
2. Spanish - Te amo.
3. French-Je t'aime.
4. German-lch liebe dich.
5. Japanese - Ai shite imasu.
6. Thai -Phom rak khun.
7. Italian -Ti amo.
8. Chinese-Wo ai ni.
9. Swedish - Jag alskar.
10.-25. Alabama,Arkansas,Kansas,Oklahoma,Texas,North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Missouri, Mississippi, Louisiana, Virginia, West Virginia, Kentucky,
and parts of Florida - Nice tits. Get in the truck.

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THE REAL CAUSE OF MICHAEL JACKSON'S DEATH
by RANDY

Michael Jackson's autopsy came back and they found out that he died from food poisoning ......... They found 12 year old nuts in has stomach.

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MICHAEL JACKSON
by TROY

Before entering heaven God said to Farah Fawcett, I shall grant you one wish. She asks for all the children to be kept safe. So God nods and kills Michael Jackson.

Due to the fact that Michael Jackson is 99% plastic, he will be melted down into Lego blocks so little kids can play with him for a change.

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WHEN I SAY I'M BROKE...I'M BROKE!!
by TROY

Yesterday I answered a knock on the door, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.'
'Go away!' I said. 'I haven't got any money!', 'I'm broke!' and proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.. 'Don't be too hasty!' he said. 'Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto my hallway carpet.
'If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse shit from your carpet, Sir, I will personally eat the remainder.'
I stepped back and said, 'Well I hope you've got a F*cking good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning....What part of 'broke' don't you understand?'

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DEAF SEX
by SUNDANCE

Two deaf people get married and during the first
week of marriage they find that they are unable to
communicate in the bedroom with the lights out since
they can't see each other signing, or lips to lip-read.

After several nights of fumbling around and many
misunderstandings, the wife figures out a solution.
She writes, 'Honey, why don't we agree on some
simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to
have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left
breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach
over and squeeze my right breast two times.'

The husband thinks this is a great idea. He writes
back to his wife if she wants to have sex with him,
reach over and pull on his penis one time.
If she doesn't want to have sex, pull on his penis
two hundred and fifty times.

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