GUMS' JOKES AND FUNNIES

Warning some of these joke may pop your PC balloon. So if your easily offended then get the hell out. (721 JOKES)

THE HOUSE
by TAMI

Did you hear about the house that was built by lesbians?

~ There were no studs it was all tongue in groove

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BLONDE CALLING HER MOM
by KNUCKLE STEVE

"Hi Mom, How are you?"

"Hi Sally, where are you? I thought you were with your father at the Ace Hardware."

"Yeah we were, but I got arrested, and they've let me make one phone call."

"What happened?"

"Oh, I punched this African-American woman in the head."

"What on earth ~ why did you do that?"

"Well it wasn't my fault. Dad told me to find a Black & Decker."

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MY NEW DOCTOR
by KRASH

I went to the doctor's the other day and found out MY new doctor is a young
female, drop-dead gorgeous !!!!!!

I was embarrassed but SHE said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional - I've
seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll help you in any way I can."

I said, "I think my penis tastes funny..."

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GROWING UP
by KRASH

A little boy was sitting on the steps with a bag of jellybeans and his cat. He popped a jellybean in his mouth, licked the cat and moved down 1 step.

He looked up into space, popped another jellybean in his mouth, licked the cat and moved down another step.

His mum said to him, "What the hell are you doing, boy?"

He replied, "Just practicing for when i am older, popping pills, licking pussy, and fucken moving on!"

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OBAMA HUMOR
by TWOHAWGS

The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree . . . and think 25 to life would be appropriate.

America needs Obama-Care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.

Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.

Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners.

Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved?
A: America !

Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers.

Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for clunkers" program?
A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road.

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