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Warning some of these joke may pop your PC balloon. So if your easily offended then get the hell out.
(721 JOKES)
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A VERY UGLY MAN
by SANDY
An ugly man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.
What are you so happy about?" Asked the barman.
"Well, I'll tell you," replies the ugly man. "You know, I live by the
railway. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to
the tracks, just like in the movies. I, of course, went and cut her free and took
her back to my place. Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time!
We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top,
sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!"
"Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman.
"You lucky bastard. Was she pretty?"
"Dunno'...Never found the head."
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THREE LIL BLACK KIDS
by TAMI
3 LITTLE BLACK BOYS WERE WALKING THROUGH THE CENTRAL PARK IN NEW YORK CITY WHEN THEY HEARD A LOT OF COMMOTION IN THE WEEDS. THEY INVESTIGATED AND FOUND THAT IT WAS A POLICE MAN ON DUTY HAVING SEX WITH A WOMAN. THEY THOUGHT THAT IT WAS THERE CIVIC DUTY TO TURN THE COP IN FOR DOING SUCH A THING WHILE ON DUTY. SO THEY DID. A TRIAL DATE WAS SET AND THE 3 BLACK BOYS SHOWED UP TO TESTIFY.
THE JUDGE CALLED THE FIRST LITTLE BOY UP AND SAID TO HIM
''' WHAT DID YOU SEE THE POLICEMAN DOING IN THE PARK '''
THE LITTLE BOY ANSWERED
''' THEY WERE FUCKING SIR '''
THE JUDGE SLAMMED HIS GAVEL DOWN AND SAID
''' I FINE YOU $5.00 FOR CONTEMPT OF COURT '''
THE JUDGE THEN CALLED THE SECOND LITTLE BOY UP AND SAID
''' WHAT DID YOU SEE THE POLICEMAN DOING IN THE PARK '''
THE LITTLE BOY ANSWERED
''' THEY WERE FUCKING SIR '''
THE JUDGE SLAMMED HIS GAVEL DOWN AND SAID
''' I FINE YOU $5.00 FOR CONTEMPT OF COURT '''
THE THIRD LITTLE BOY WAS CALLED UP TO TESTIFY AND ON THE WAY UP TO DO SO HE GOT TO THINKING THAT HE DIDN'T HAVE THE $5.00 TO PAY FOR CONTEMPT OF COURT AND WONDERED WHAT HE'D SAY.
THE JUDGE THEN ASK THE THIRD BOY
''' WHAT DID YOU SEE THE POLICEMAN DOING IN THE PARK '''
THE THIRD BOY THOUGHT FOR A WHILE AND REPLIED
''' THERE WERE 10 TOES UP. THERE WERE 10 TOES DOWN. THERE WERE 2 BLACK ASSES GOING ROUND AND ROUND. A BIG BLACK PECKER GOING OUT AND IN. IF THAT AINT FUCKING THEN FINE ME TEN '''
CASE CLOSED
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--LESBONICS--
by SUNDANCE
-- LESBONICS- -
1. What do you call a pantry full of lesbians?
A licker cabinet.
2. What do you call an Eskimo lesbian? ....
A Klondyke.
3. What do you call 100 lesbians with guns? ....
A Militia Etheridge.
4. Why can't lesbians diet and wear make-up at the same time?
A Because they can't eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on their face.
5. What do you call two lesbians in a canoe? ....
A Fur Traders.
6. What is a lesbian dinosaur called? ....
A Lickalotapuss.
7. What do you call a lesbian with long fingers? ...
A Well Hung.
8. Did you hear that Ellen DeGeneres drowned? ...
A She was found face down in Ricki Lake.
9. How can you tell a tough lesbian bar? ...
A Even the pool table doesn't have balls.
10. What do you call lesbian twins? ..
A Lick-a-likes.
11. What's the definition of confusion? ...
A Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market.
12. What's the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian?
A One's a snack cracker, the other's a crack snacker
13. What do you have when you've got 50 lesbians and 50 state
workers?
A 100 people that don't do dick.
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THYE POWER OF BEER
by TAMI
The Power of Beer
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and
informs the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms or legs. The
son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he
can, with love and compassion.
After 18 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes
him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up
the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons
looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy
takes his first sip of alcohol.
Swoooosh! Plop!! A torso pops out!
The bar is dead silent; then bursts
into whoops of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The
patrons chant "Take another drink!"
The bartender continues to shake his head in dismay. Swoooosh! Plip!
Plop!!
Two arms pop out.
The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink
again. The patrons chant, "Take another drink! Take another drink!!" The
bartender ignores the whole affair and goes back to polishing glasses,
shaking his head, clearly unimpressed by the amazing scenes.
By now the boy is getting tipsy, but with his new hands he reaches down,
grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Plop! Plip!! Two legs pop
out.
The bar is in chaos.
The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God.
The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left then staggers to the right
through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills
him instantly.
The bar falls silent.
The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says,
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(Wait for it)
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(It's coming)
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(Ya ready?)
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(Don't hate me)
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(Ya gonna hate me)
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(Take a deep breath)
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"He should've quit while he was a head!"
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TAKING A TINKLE
by MS ELLIE
Taking A Tinkle
A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a
masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the
stomach. Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave
the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave
birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son.
All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into
the room in tears.
'What's wrong?' asked the mother. 'I was taking a tinkle and
this bullet came out,' replied the daughter.
The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16
years ago.
About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in
tears. 'Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out.'
Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened
16 years ago.
A week later her son walked into the room in tears.
'It's okay' said the Mom, 'I know what happened. You were
taking a tinkle and a bullet came out.'
'No,' said the boy, 'I was playing with myself and I shot the
dog.'
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Motorcycle Trailer Rentals and Sales Information
727-321-5676
While our rental trailers go all over the USA, Canada and Mexico,
all trailers must be picked up and returned to the Tampa Bay area of Florida only.
We have no outlets in any other state at this time.
