Warning some of these joke may pop your PC balloon. So if your easily offended then get the hell out.
(721 JOKES)
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THE BIG BLO
by TAMI
The Gay & The Black
At the end of a tiny deserted bar in downtown Atlanta sat a huge
black man. He was having a few beers, when a short, well dressed, and
obviously gay man walked in and sat beside him.
After three or four beers, the gay man got the courage to say a few
words to the big black man.
Leaning over towards him, he whispered, "Do you want a blow job?"
At this, the massive black man leaped up with fire in his eyes, and
smacked the shit out of the gay man, knocking him swiftly off his stool.
He proceeded to beat him all the way out of the bar, before leaving him
bruised and battered in the parking lot, and returning to his seat.
Amazed, the bartender quickly brought over another beer to the black
man, and said, "I've never seen you react like that. What did he say to
you?"
"I don't know," the black man replied. "Something about a job."
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INVOLUNTARY MUSCULAR CONTRACTIONS
by Michele
A professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions"
to first year medical students.
Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject the professor
decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know
what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"
She replied, "He's probably drinking beer at the bar with his friends"
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ALL IS NOT AS IT SEEMS
by TAMI
King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the great wizard was showing him his latest creation. It was a chastity belt, except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place which made it basically useless.
"This is no good, Merlin!" the King exclaimed, "Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect my lady, the Queen, when I'm on a long quest?"
"Ah, sire, just observe," said Merlin. He then selected his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two.
"Merlin, you are a genius!" said the grateful monarch. "Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected."
After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon a lengthy Quest.
Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all of his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection.
Sure enough, each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them, except Sir Galahad.
"Sir Galahad," exclaimed King Arthur. "You are my one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours."
But, alas, Sir Galahad was speechless.
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KIDS JUST WANT TO KNOW--
by SPITFIRE
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how
Many kinds of boobies are there?
The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there's three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, women's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions?" "Yes, you see them and they make you cry."
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there? The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willie is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."
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REDNECK MEDICAL DICTONARY
by Gums
Benign.........................What you be after you be eight.
Artery..........................The study of paintings.
Bacteria.......................Back door to cafeteria.
Barium........................What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section........A neighborhood in Rome.
CTscan.......................Searching for kitty.
Cauterize....................Made eye contact with her.
Colic..........................A sheep dog.
Coma.........................A punctuation mark.
D & C.......................Where Washington is.
Dilate.........................To live long.
Enema........................Not a friend.
Fester........................Quicker than someone else.
Fibula........................A small lie.
Genital.......................Non-Jewish person.
G.I. Series.................World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail....................What you hang your coat on.
Impotent....................Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain.................Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff.............A Doctor's cane.
Morbid......................A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates.....................Cheaper than day rates.
Node.........................I knew it.
Outpatient.................A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear................A fatherhood test.
Pelvis........................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative..........A letter carrier.
Recovery Room........Place to do upholstery.
Rectum.....................Damn near killed him.
Secretion..................Hiding something.
Seizure.....................Roman emperor.
Tablet......................A small table.
Terminal Illness........Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor.....................More than one.
Urine.......................Opposite of you're out.
Varicose..................Near by/close by.
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